You
may remember being told as a child, "Keep quiet!" "Children
should be seen, not heard," and "You talk too much." You were a
"good" kid if you kept quiet. However, being quiet when you are
little causes big problems later in life.
As
an adult, you may have been punished for communicating. For example, if you
admit you committed a crime and are sorry about it, no one cares. You still go
to jail. If you honestly tell your spouse you are thinking about an affair,
your marriage suffers if your spouse is not very understanding. If you tell
someone you feel a little crazy, who knows what might happen. So you learn to
keep your mouth shut.
However,
businesses fail when managers do not talk to employees or employees do not talk
to customers. Everyone mistakenly believes telepathy is working. "I
thought you knew I was unhappy with your performance." "You should
have known I was overworked."
Marriages
are ruined by poor communication. Rather than openly discuss sex, money, body
problems or whatever, couples hint about their concerns or simply say nothing.
But without support and understanding from your primary teammate, you do not go
as far. In fact, a bad marriage can ruin everything in your life. Both parties
in a successful marriage are able to give and receive communication from their
spouse on any subject.
Life
is miserable if you have no one to openly communicate with. Friendships are
based on communication. The lack of friends or a spouse to communicate with
often leads to mental problems.
So
the first communication skill you need is to get out there and talk.
Unfortunately,
on some topics, you’ve learned to watch what you say, to keep it under your
hat, to zip it up.
"So
that is the basic lesson that anybody learns in this universe. They learn to
keep their mouth shut, and it’s the wrong lesson. When in doubt, talk. When in
doubt, communicate." — L. Ron Hubbard
Whenever
you have doubts about something, COMMUNICATE! Talk, talk, talk until the
problem resolves. When you feel stress, disagreement or resistance between you
and someone near you, the wrong thing to do is ignore the problem. Instead,
start communicating.
When
you know you should say something, say it! For example, an employee knows
another employee is embezzling money and so says something to the employee
and/or boss. A doctor knows he must talk to a patient about the patient’s rude
behavior to the office staff. An employer knows she must discuss poor
performance issues with some employees.
Take
the bull by the horns. Move ahead in life. Spit it out.
If
you’re worried about the consequences of saying something, you can ask first.
Examples:
"Lisa,
I want to say something about your driving to help keep you out of accidents,
but I don’t want to upset you. Can I tell you what I think or should I keep my
mouth shut?"
"Boss,
should I tell you if I think you are giving me bad advice?"
"John,
our marriage means so much to me I don’t want to say anything that would
jeopardize it. But I have done something wrong and I’m sorry I did it. I think
it would be good for our relationship if I told you. Don’t you think it’s best
if we are 100% honest with each other?"
"Can
you listen to something unfortunate I have to say and remain calm? Are you
ready?"
In
the long run, you are always better off by communicating. Take responsibility
and talk. Staying silent solves nothing.
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